i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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