After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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