you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
