That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You can't motorboat a personality
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
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So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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