and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
