So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
