Cold hands, warm shart.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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