i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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