so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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