Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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