do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
