If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
