Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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