Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
