She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
