At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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