Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh god it's open bar.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
