it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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