Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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