whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
