Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize