he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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