My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
