FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
