Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
