His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
