im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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