You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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