a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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