Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
