Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
