You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize