i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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