WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if only i could text you this smell
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
