I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
