separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
