I just cut my nipple shaving
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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