hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
third nipple confirmed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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