As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
