just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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