i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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