And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
