everyone is single if you try hard enough
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
