I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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