Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
