i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
