It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
17 year olds will be the death of me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Never underestimate the power of titties
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
