I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
