I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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