Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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