It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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