apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Crop dusting thru forever 21
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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