I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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