you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he thought i was a dude.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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