i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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