he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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