i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
