I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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