I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
