Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
