Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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