My room smells like vodka and shame
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
