i barfeds in our rink
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
