I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize