a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
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