I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
