what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
