I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
