the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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