Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
