the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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