I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
