12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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