mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm at about main and main street
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The adults are the big ones right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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